It’s been 2 years and 3 months since I’ve been in KL, or more precise to say to have been working here. Rat race here – spinning in circles for a sum of money, not to say little, but not much too. Surely I’ve changed, more or less? Well, it depends…

One thing I realized today is that I’ve changed from a funny person to a serious guy, maybe not totally serious, but definitely less funny. Perhaps this is what I want earlier not long after graduation – I don’t want to be a clown among my friends anymore. And maybe, that’s the only specialty I’ve in making friends – being funny – and since then I couldn’t remember having many friends.

I remember myself a person who likes to share his feelings and thoughts anyhow, facebook, blogspot, chatting, blah… ~ when I recall all these, I felt myself being childish, regardless time of happy or pessimistic, no matter when I share some funny videos or else. I felt that all I did was to catch the attention of others, wanting the whole world to know my feelings.

Pointless – the word I use to describe whenever thinking whatever I did. Along the way, somehow I prefer to keep things to myself and be it that way. A good way to regard myself is that I’ve become more mature and stronger.

A Chinese saying that goes as: “When people comment on you, regardless praise or critics, never show your reaction in your face, but keep it deep in your heart. For critic, do a self-check and repent if it’s true. For praise, keep it as a compliment and nothing to be proud of. (人们评论之，无论赞或辱，勿露于脸色，应深藏心底。辱，则检讨己过；赞；则当以加冕。)“

I think this is the saying that fits into a life of an adult. I’m no more a kid, but a man with certain burden to carry for his loved ones. Perhaps this is all a meaningless rat race. But before encountering the joy I used to own in great moments of life, I must continue to move on even I’m weary.

I know that for my joy to complete, my life need to be joint with The Way. I do not know when but I know that it will be complete with The Word. May it not be too late…

First time I share my feelings after all this while and somehow I feel better for the moment…